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Exclusion: So Subtle, So Hurtful – Lecture Presented by Kim John Payne

Oct 29 @ 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm


Please join us for this important evening lecture in support of our school’s Healthy School Culture Program.

Kim John Payne will present his lecture:  Exclusion:  So Subtle, So Hurtful to our community.

Date:  Monday, October 29th, 7:00 PM

Location:  Grace Community Church, 7427 Wellington County Rd 30, Guelph, ON N1H 6J2

Tickets:  You must register for this event at:  http://bit.do/Payne2018

(Tickets are available starting Friday, 05-October-2018 at Noon.)

*Please send at least one family representative to attend this event in support of Trillium’s Healthy School Culture Program.


The lecture will explore:

1. Why is exclusion so hurtful?
2. Why do kids do it?
3. What can we do about it?

Belonging & Orientation.

We find ourselves via social interaction with other. To be excluded is to fall into disorientation a loss of sense of a ourselves and a “sense of place”

The toxic effects of exclusion are accumulated over time.

Under/low on the radar

Normalizing. It is very easy to normalize exclusion until it is so toxic that it becomes dangerous or even tragic.

Why do kids exclude?

Seeking control in an out of control world

Looking for small groups in a world that booms and buzzes

Looking for predictability

Solutions that Orient: Pathways to Inclusion

– How to lessen the sensory overwhelm and increase form and predictability in stressful situation

– Getting control back in the school playground and during transitions

Previewing and Review potential exclusion situations

– The Do-ability Zone

Start with what is doable and build out

Small controlled semi-formal situations that kids enjoy and “get”

– Our attitude counts.

Valuing the quirk of the excluded child often and publicly

– Accountability without blame

How many times have you heard kids say…“But I was just joking around!”

Holding those who exclude accountable without blaming and shaming them

Helping children know when they have crossed the line


“A healthy social life is found only, when in the mirror of each soul the whole community finds its reflection, 
and when in the whole community the virtue of each one is living.” Rudolf Steiner

About Kim John Payne

Kim John Payne has been quietly and passionately working to help tens of thousands of people give voice to the feeling that something is not okay about the new normal of overwhelm that so many people are now experiencing. He offers do-able ways to realize the hopes and values we all have for ourselves, and build deep connections with our children that gives families resiliency and simple joy.

A consultant and trainer to over 230 U.S. independent and public schools, Kim John Payne, M.ED, has been a school counselor, adult educator, consultant, researcher, educator and a private family counselor for twenty seven years. He regularly gives key-note addresses at international conferences for educators, parents, and therapists and runs workshops and training’s around the world. In each role, he has been helping children, adolescents and families explore issues such as social difficulties with siblings and classmates, attention and behavioral issues at home and school, emotional issues such as defiance, aggression, addiction and self-esteem and the vital role living a balanced simple life brings.

He has also consulted for educational associations in South Africa, Hungary, Israel, Russia, Switzerland, Ireland, Canada, Australia, and the United Kingdom, Thailand and China. Kim has worked extensively with the North American and UK Waldorf educational movements. He has served as Director of the Collaborative Counseling program at Antioch University New England. He is the Director of the Simplicity Project a multi media social network that explores what really connects and disconnects us to ourselves and to the world. Together with his team they have trained around 1000 Simplicity Parenting Coaches around the world. Kim is the Founding Director of The Center for Social Sustainability, an organization that has trained thousands of teachers, parents and students in the Three Stream Process that gives social, emotional and behavioral support to children who struggle in the school environment.

In addition to authoring the #1 Best Seller Simplicity Parenting© . Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kid, published by Random House Penguin in 2009, he also authored The Games Children Play©, (1996) published by Hawthorn Press ,The Soul of Discipline (2015 Random House/Penguin), co-authored Whole Child Sport™ How to Navigate Child & Youth Sports™. and Being At Your best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst (Shambhala Press 2017). His books have been translated into 27 languages.

He has appeared frequently on television including ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox; on radio with the BBC, Sirius/XM, CBC & NPR and in print including being featured in Time Magazine, Chicago Tribune, Parenting, Mothering, Times Union and the LA Times.

Kim strives to deepen understanding and give practical tools for life that arise out of the burning social issues of our time. He is lives on a farm in Ashfield, Massachusetts with his wife and two children.


Oct 29
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm


Grace Community Church
7427 Wellington County Rd 30
Guelph, Ontario N1H 6J2 Canada
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